Spoof Team

THE LIFE OF JULIA

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Under Government Care: Despite the fact that Head Start costs taxpayers as much as 3 times what private daycare or preschool does while showing no positive lasting effect, Julia's parents decide to dump her off at the local Head Start program!

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Under Government Care: Julia struggles on the SAT because her local school has failed to teach her critical thinking or math skills. The public teacher unions, who overwhelmingly supported Barack Obama, have thwarted any effort to reform education. As a result, Julia has been stuck with her failing local school.

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Under Government Care: Julia still gets into one of the 4 year public universities in her state! Unfortunately, a stint at this 4 year degree mill will cost over $50,000! Thankfully, the state is willing to give her a low interest loan, which hides the fact that spending $50,000 on a degree in graphic design is a terrible idea.

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Under Government Care: Julia needs to get surgery which is prohibitively expensive because competition between health care providers is all but non-existent. Meanwhile, the FDA forces drugs to go through expensive and overly complicated review processes and the AMA limits the number of doctors to serve her! She is pretty screwed.

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Under Government Care:

Thanks to burdensome regulations such as the "Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act," among others, Julia is unable to find a job. Julia is willing to work for less money to gain valuable experience, but can't. She discovers that the little freelance web design work she can find doesn't pay the bills. Julia blames capitalism for her troubles instead of looking at hindrances such as government.
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Under Government Care: Julia gets the sinking feeling as she receives her diploma that the massive amount of debt she took on to attend college will make it impossible for her to buy a house or start a family until her mid 30's. The glut in her career field will make it nearly impossible to get a job involving her field of study, and it's very likely she will come out of college without a solid job for many years to come.

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Under Government Care: Julia doesn't have a job, but no longer has to pay the full cost of her reproductive health bill! Julia is now an empowered woman by becoming more dependent on "the man." She may have been able to afford the $5 generic pills from Target with her parent's inheritance money, but it was taken by the state through the "estate tax."

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Under Government Care: The government starts its next generation "cradle to grave" program by paying for her son's check-ups before he's even born. Julia's growing dependence on government programs makes her a perfect voting block for candidates to target in "fear campaigns."

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Under Government Care: Julia's son Zachary starts kindergarten at one of the same low quality public schools. The school has spent millions on shiny new facilities, but is still ineffective at teaching due to its lack of competition and choice for parents; Zach's teachers are not held accountable and good teachers make just as much as terrible teachers because that's what's "fair."

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Under Government Care: Julia starts her own web design business! After days of paperwork and licensing Julia is well on her way. Julia discovers that government cares more about securing her vote than financial prudence. She applies for an interest free government loan, which she defaults on shortly thereafter. This, she teaches her son, is why capitalism doesn't work!

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Under Government Care: Julia gets free drugs on the back of her son Zachary. Unfortunately, he has just graduated from college and now faces a massive tax rate on top of his crushing student loan debt. Following in his mother's footsteps, he moves back home after being laid off due to a weak economy. Zachary's mother's (along with his political science professors') insistence that capitalism "doesn't work" ensures that Zach will be a great voter to exploit in the next election.

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Under Government Care: Social Security isn't nearly enough money for Julia to live off of; in fact, it's bankrupt. Julia starts gardening and painting fences to make ends meet. Her degenerative arthritis makes life very painful, but a government health care panel has ruled that knee replacement surgery is medically unnecessary. Her son Zach is unable to help with medical costs because he has been unable to hold a steady job due to the poor economy his mother's generation left him.

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